At Odds.

So, it’s Friday, and I’m sitting in my office at work looking at my inbox, and I’m starting to see  a trend here. This will take a bit of back story, so bear with me for a moment or two.

In September I started a new job as a web administrator. When I got hired, I had a feeling that the company, which is small, didn’t quite understand what it is I would be doing. That’s weird, right? But whatever, I had a grasp of what to do despite incredibly poor communication from the higher ups. At least, that’s what I thought. My job went from web admin, which included other office support tasks, to having literally everything else in the business piled upon me. I’m now, apparently, responsible for contracts and product profiles, and contracts, and data entry, and…I’ve lost track to be honest.

When I was interviewed, I made it abundantly clear that I knew nothing about the field with which they dealt. My background is in media, not science. They were okay with that. Now, I just don’t have the brain for math and science. Call me dumb, whatever. I specialize in language and communication, it’s what I know, and the stuff they sell here goes in one ear and out the other. Yet, I have to now find out the client’s needs, and give them an appropriate retail price for a 10,000 dollar piece of of equipment.

Fast forward to now – I may not have a job come the end of December. I have to “prove my worth” as they say. Wh-what? I had a hundred responsibilities dropped on me in three months, and I did my job to the best of my ability, despite having nothing to start from, and still, I might not have a job. Most recently I was requested to create a portfolio of everything I’ve done start to now. The only one in the company who has to do such a thing. Which I know will turn around and bite me in the ass. Why you ask? Well, I’ll be spending the next few days, maybe a week collected everything and getting it ready for a presentation, meaning I won’t be able to do other stuff – stuff my job actually entails.

See where I’m going with this? I’ll do what they ask, only for them to question why other things weren’t done, and then I’m canned. Seems a bit of a vicious circle. This seems to be a theme with jobs and me. I feel like I’m a decent working. I produce quality, I work pretty hard, do what’s asked of me, and I always try, but in the end I always seem to get shorted somehow. My last job was similar. Nothing was ever good enough, until it got to the point where I was set up to fail every day. The company lied on multiple occasions, two come to mind.

First, I was looking to move up in the company – at this time I was enjoying life there. I sat down with my general manager and discussed my future. He said he would pull a few job descriptions, and what I would need to do in order to get to the point where I’d be ready. That was year ago, and even though I don’t work there any more, I’m still waiting on those descriptions. Secondly, and this one cost me about 2000 bucks. I needed to have surgery on all four of my wisdom teeth – fun times – I go and tell my manager again (same guy), and asked him when would be best to do it.

He gives me a week that would be good, so  I schedule it. I go in to fill out the short term disability paper work, and that’s when he tells me, “Oh yeah, effective as of June first, short term disability has changed from a week off to two weeks off. You won’t be paid for the time you’re taking.” My surgery was scheduled for the following week, I guess it was June 8th, or something. Sot not only did I have to drop 1800 on the surgery, but I lost a weeks pay. He knew damn well that the change was happening, and he didn’t want to have to pay me. It was a dick move, and the real salt to the wound was, while I was out, they decided to hold their annual summer event. Sure, it’s a perk and not the reason why I worked there, but again, the manager decided to hold it that week knowing I wouldn’t be there, and it would be one less person the business would have to pay for.

I’ve had some real shitty luck with work and bosses, which brings me to my final thoughts. You get one life to live. Should you live it spending 40+ hours a week, 52 weeks a year doing something you hate, or even dislike, to survive, or should you follow your calling, and do what you love? Of course, this only applies to people like me who have the worst luck with jobs. If I were to quit today, or get laid off, or whatever, I would be sort of fucked. I pick up a few modelling jobs here and there, but that’s not a salary. I’ve been submitting my works again, and if all of them (not gonna happen) get picked up, that’d be a few extra bucks. But I’m not optimistic, and can’t rely on that.

I’m so torn here. If I had the time, I could maybe perfect my craft, and one day support myself, and my soon-to-be-wife on my writing alone. But if that doesn’t pan out, well, then… Fuck. In the meantime, we would be struggling to pay any sort of bill on one steady income. Ugh, this is the reason my shoulders are tougher than adamantium. Honestly, Wolverine couldn’t crack through these knots. I need a massage. -_-

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